Message For My Readers
Thank you for respecting my experiences
On Christmas day, a reader wrote to me to say she was uncomfortable with some of my recent writing and decided to unsubscribe. Her words were incisive, judgmental, and worst of all, narcissistic.
The message was clear. To paraphrase, this is what it said: “I am punishing you by withdrawing my paid subscription because you made me feel uncomfortable. I will continue reading your work and might take out a paid subscription again if you change the way you write”.
I’ve reflected on her words over the last few days and come to the conclusion that some people really don’t understand what this blog is about. This blog isn’t about trying to make anyone feel comfortable. This blog is about my lived experiences with racism. It’s sometimes uncomfortable, sad, horrific, painful, unjust, unfair, depressing, and outrageous, but this is the very definition of how racism makes one feel. I’m sometimes angry when I recount these experiences - I believe that there are few people who would be so unaffected by racism and manage to recount these horrible experiences in stoic or happy fashion. The message here is that these brushes with racism hurt. They are extremely painful.
Trust me that I’d love for my life to be happy with lots of laughter every single day. I’d love to package these stories into a beautiful box with a neat, lovely pink bow, but unfortunately, that isn’t my life. As much as I try to avoid it, racism happens and I and many people that look like me go through it on a daily basis in every single corner of our lives. This is our reality.
Racism is truly exhausting and exasperating and this blog is one of the only places where I can talk about these experiences without being censored. The fact that a white person somewhere in the world living a rather comfortable life with no racist experiences chooses to come here to judge me is truly unacceptable.
Why can’t that person just leave me with one place in the world where I can share my truth and help so many other people feel seen? Why does this person choose to come to my platform to judge my content as though I can edit out my experiences to satisfy her with “happy Hollywood-type endings“ to every account of racial trauma that I experience?
The audacity of her words and actions tells me that this work that I do needs to continue and that these stories need to be told. For as long as I have breath in me I will continue.
If you feel targeted by these accounts of my life, ask yourself why. Wherever you are in the world, I don’t know who you are, so none of what I write is about you or a subliminal message to you. Any animosity or hatred you nurture toward me for something you read on this blog should get you to reflect on your own life and your own actions.
As is the case with all things, most readers here are kind and understanding and looking to learn from my experiences. If you fall into this category, please note that I appreciate your support immensely, and thank you for listening to my voice. Thank you for being here and not trying to censor my writing or my experiences.
Thanks to people like you, I have hope that one day, I will live in a world devoid of racism. You can help me by continuing to spread the word about this blog.
I hope this does not sound superficial. I like seeing your photo. I feel this writing is so personal that you are talking to me. And if we were in person I would’ve looking at you. So in my mind I now get to look at you during these conversations. Thank you for that. And thank you for sharing these experiences. I have spent many years as a white woman trying to unwind the racism I was born into. It lives in the body. So it takes hundreds maybe thousands of instances of encountering what is in me that I did not ask for but now have. And your experiences help unwind that learning. Yes it can be uncomfortable but so what. Sometimes learning is. So please listen to the positive ones here that get what you are doing. And hope the negative ones may some day find a crack that can begin to let in the light.
The audacity and privilege of some people. I feel so irritated and annoyed for you that you had to experience receiving such messages. As a black woman I enjoy reading content that I can relate to and understand what you have experienced.