Claudine Gay Always Knew She’d Have a Totally Nasty, Shitty Time As President of Harvard
So why did she take the job anyway?
Even before Claudine Gay was nominated as President of Harvard in July 2023, she knew there would be some rocky times ahead. How do I know that? Because, as a Black woman, I know how it feels to be appointed to a senior position that many white people don’t want you to be in or don’t think you are qualified for or deserve. They’ll never tell you directly to your face, but they’ll certainly make you feel it. And while smiling in your face, they’ll employ every single tactic to bring you down.
Now, your next question will probably be, “So why did Gay take the job in the first place if she knew that it would be a stressful, distressful, and challenging one where she was sure to encounter the worst side of human nature?” Well, because it was about time. Like me, like many of us Black women, she wasn’t going to give up that opportunity because of fear.
She knew that it would be a fierce battle, she knew that there would be minefields, sabotage, lies, misinformation, and betrayal along the way. And she knew there’d be tonnes of despicable racism too, but she had to fill that space. She didn’t just do it for her, she did it for generations of Black and brown women who needed to see someone who looked like them at the head of one of the most prestigious educational institutions in the world.
As so many white supremacists and racists have implied, Gay was not a diversity hire. She was an accomplished and recognized academic. She earned her place in that leading institution but she didn’t plan on having to navigate the ramifications of a conflict taking place in the Middle East. She also made errors in omitting to properly cite the sources of information found in her work. Note that the media are saying she committed plagiarism when in fact it was her insufficient citation skills that were at fault. But hey, plagiarism is more effective, especially when you’re leading a modern-day witchhunt to oust a Black woman in a position of authority.
Gay also didn’t realize the massive scale of the attack that would be launched against her as well as the firm intent of white supremacists to make an example of her, to strike her down for what she represented - a Black woman on what was usually considered their tuff. They were going to take her down no matter what. She was a gladiator in the arena with giant adversaries like racism and sexism, it was only a matter of time before they devoured her.
I’ve been in the corporate world for over 20 years. For almost all that time, I’ve worked in environments with few people that look like me. As much as I would have liked to, I have never felt at ease in those working environments because I always knew and felt that many white people didn’t think I deserved to be in those spaces. I was always on my guard - always dodging knives being thrown at my back.
On top of this, I was never a subservient Black woman. I was respectful of everyone, but I was not a hypocrite or a “yes” person. That made me even more of a target because they felt they could not control me.
I stuck out because I was different. White colleagues would sometimes even say to my face that I was a diversity hire. They would regularly discredit and undermine me. One of my white bosses wrote me off as stupid from the get-go and made fun of me behind my back. Another chastised me for making him look bad because my comments on projects were always more relevant and thought through than his. I was hired before he got hired and I know for a fact that if he had been a part of the decision to hire me or not, he would never have given me the position.
I survived in the corporate world for years because I am a good observer. I avoided many traps. Whenever I realized a colleague was trying to pass me off as an aggressive or over-emotional Black woman, I always managed to diffuse the situation. I didn’t feel safe in any of my work environments ever. I knew one slight misstep would land me out of a job.
Claudine Gay and thousands if not millions of Black and brown women have these same experiences at work. What makes many of us still get up every morning and go to places where we are disrespected and traumatized is our need to provide for our families and our inherent need for self-actualization.
In many cases we’ve gone to the right schools, even obtained PhDs, and garnered the necessary work experience. We look forward to finally getting the prize - finally getting the recognition we deserve, but not everyone wants us to get that and keep that so they hammer us down. They engage in a vicious, violent, and relentless act of wearing us out, eating away at our self-esteem, killing us slowly but surely.
As Black women, we appear strong even when we are fragile, vulnerable, and breaking down inside. Our aggressors won’t give up until they destroy us. While in my case, I faced subtle racism, Gay experienced both subtle and blatant racism. That blatant racism was the death blow, and it threatened to annihilate her. She had to leave to save herself, to save her sanity.
Like Gay, I had to leave the spaces that I knew would destroy me if I stayed. After that, I was finally able to get a good night’s sleep. I hadn’t been able to do that in a while.
Gay will soon leave the spotlight and the racists like treacherous, enraged dogs will hopefully stop their relentless pursuit. They’ll find another Black man or woman to torment. Gay will finally be able to get a good night’s sleep again but I’m sure that if a Black woman ever asks her whether they should go for a role like the one she just left, her answer will be “yes” because, like me, like so many of us, she won’t let racists have the last word, she won’t let racists win.
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It’s a shame that success for Black women too often coincides with such hatred and vitriol. It’s saddening that her tenure was short-lived, but just knowing that she became head of the institution gave many Black women hope, including myself. I fully agree with your last sentence.
Truly sucks. Makes me very sad. There was a nice piece in the New Yorker about how she truly is devoted to D&I and making sure everyone feels like they belong.